So here I am, after much waiting, and lesser understanding, Abba Father said 'Go, have your blog.'
That was over a week ago and it's harder than I thought it was going to be...it got me thinking about why He had asked me to wait and the more I try and write the more aware I am of His reasons.

So I have decided my first post is going to be about this, the journey I am on at the moment, with Papa, discovering who I am and being secure in that person I have been created to be. How is this connected to writing a blog? Well we will get there...

J. C. F. von Schiller once said that "Every man stamps his value on himself ... man is made great or small by his own will." In other words we are who we say we are. If I continually tell myself that I don't measure up to people, if I compare myself, physically, mentally, or spiritually with others I have already made a claim saying that I am not good enough as I am. The beginning of what can be a treacherous road and a difficult one that was never meant to be walked upon. Why? Because we have never been compared to others by our Creator. He has never once looked at us and wished us to be like someone else. He has never once looked at us and thought we were not good enough. Really, if we had no worth at all He never would have sent His Son. What would of been the point? He clearly seen potential in us and thought it was worthwhile legally purchasing us back.

For the last year God has worked on my life in ways that are unexplainable and incredibly personal. It began with knowing who I am in Jesus. I mess up in ways that I'm tired of messing up in, I create situations that do me no favours. I go round the same mountains time and time again. Each time all the more sorry that I chose that 'detour' to my destiny and all the more asking, 'If it grieves me so much why do I keep doing it?'

This is what Papa gave me...

I am who I say I am-if I define myself by the person I used to be rather than the person He has created me to be then I am always going to be in those personal failures. Its no longer trying to be that elite saint, the crazy spiritual people we all admire because once we are in Christ we are all that and more. Each time we chose to believe the lie and jump on the mountain merry-go-round we are not believing who He says we are. When Christ died and rose again, it was ALL paid for. When we came to know Him and love Him because of who He was and what He had done, we became a new creation, not in part but in complete and utter wholeness. We are who He says we are. We are the righteousness of God in Christ. That was part of the divine exchange when Christ died on the cross in our place. We got what He had and He got what we had. Its not that we dont require working on- cos we all know we do but its not about trying to be 'that' person, that better person, that crazy spiritual person- because we already are that, we are just not manifesting what has been placed within us by Holy Spirit.

Each time we compromise, in thought or deed, we live below the royal threshold that has been given to us. We are living in the stables in the palace grounds rather than in the palace itself. For me, it's not about trying to obtain and trying to be because I already am all of those things I long to be. Holy, pure, righteous, giving...I'm just learning to manifest Him who lives within me and Him who enables me to be like this. So in actual fact, it's not that I am struggling with these old things, its that they are struggling against who I really am in Christ.

So of recent, the best way to describe what has been happening is a bit of a crisis of confidence. I find I am second guessing myself, comparing myself to others and generally having a bit of a shaking of who I thought I was, as generally these traits are not like me at all. I'm sure of myself, of my mind and my opinion and generally it is only God who can get through to me...

Although all of this has been going on-it determines all the more who I am and who I have been called to be. The beautiful thing about the cross is, is that it has recovered who we actually are! We are not those sins, we are not defined by those sins, we are defined by Him who lives in us. The last thing the enemy wants us to do is accept all those things that God says we are through His Son-because we will start living like we actually believe it. We will start living a life that has been assigned value.

We so often hear the line, 'Jesus loves you' it has become this cliche, this phrase that is bounded about. We need to get back to the raw truth of this. Are we living like someone who is loved and accepted? Every now and again I may tell those in the world 'Jesus loves You' He does...nothing will ever change that. He has no shadow of turning, His Word is eternally true! But just because He says that, If we dont believe that ourselves then there is no power in that statement. It becomes a living word by us exercising faith and believing it...


The point is- we need to believe who He says we are. We ARE a new creation, the old has passed, the old has been crucified and now ONLY the new lives. We are already all those things we long to be and we start to manifest them when we spend time with Him and in His Presence. The acceptance we have is in Him and through being with Him we learn to accept what He says about us and who He says we are.

So why not the blog 2-3 months ago? Well He knows what is best for me...2-3 months ago I would of been crazily insecure about revealing who I am in this and He wants me to give a true representation of who He has made me to be...Thankfully He is taking me there! And I'm finding freedom in accepting His overwhelming acceptance!