Love...

...is probably the most over used word within Christian circles but the practice of Love is definitely one that has been challenging me over the last few days.

I'm half way through my training week and with an other two days to go, I cant say I'm feeling overly 'prepared' to step into the most challenging role I have yet to face. But I don't feel completely overwhelmed either, which is good! The first day of training I was keen, the second day I was asking God all sorts of questions and today I feel honoured to serve the most vulnerable and excluded from our society, while still asking God a tonne of questions.

With all the training comes the warnings. The people who will be using the shelter will be mostly long-term rough sleepers. Entrenched mental illness, heroin and alcohol addiction will be the 'norm'. We are required to sign a death at work form, receive vaccination against Hepatitis and to be clear on procedure if stabbed with a needle. Which has happened to at least one member of staff a year since the project opened.

Its funny but its not been this part of the training which has concerned me. Its the 'show the practical love of God' clause in my Job Description.

A couple of years ago, God showed me what it was to be made in His image. At the time it answered my hearts cry regarding the most isolated from society. The addicts, the prostitutes, those who were continually on the fringe of main stream society. He opened my heart more to understand that even the heroin addict in the most desperate state, still reflects the glory and image of God. The prostitute who is with a punter, still reflects and mirrors Him. We, in our darkest moments still reflect or reproduce who He is.

Its not that the sin reflects Him, it doesn't. But it does reflect our need of Him.

We are never required to look at ourselves from an earthly point of view. Or to be aware of ourselves to the point that the world in us becomes more important than the One who saved us from it. We deal with sin, but its not looking at the sin that makes things different. Its looking above and on things that are heavenly and pure. The problem with sin is it so often distracts from the poetic ring of Justice. Justice is not condemning people, Justice is not confronting people with their depravity. We are not involved in bringing people to Justice. And sometimes with a warped view we think that's what we are called to do. We are not. We are called to bring people to the One who justifies and to treat them with the same mercies that Christ bestowed upon us.

Today, has been such a beautiful day of clarifying that for me. It should not matter what offence, legally or moral that people have committed. They still remain one of Abba Gods. One of those who He took the time to "fearfully and wonderfully make." He Loves them with an intense desire that sees them for who they really are. Yes, they may be heroin addicts, sex offenders, alcoholics, thieves, abusers but that's not who they were made to be. And God does not stop seeing them and burning for them because of the life they have forged for themselves.

I am not for one minute belittling the consequences of their lives. They hurt people, and they hurt themselves. And we have to be real about the possibility of getting hurt when working with people who require the type of service that is being provided. The reality is quite scary but I'm thankful that its not the only reality that I'm called to look at it. The other reality is one of hope, peace, prosperity and a future. While I work along side my team, I will be constantly reminded of that second, more real Reality; as four out of my 7 colleagues have used the exact same service that they will be ministering and working in. The potential for peace in chaotic lives is a real possibility and I hang onto that.

The love of God looks like people. Looks like you and me. Its not some feeling that we stir up. We were all made with love, so we all reflect Him who is Love. Its showing compassion to those who don't receive it and take advantage of it when they do. Its an understanding that Love covers a multitude of sin. "Above all things have intense and unfailing love for one another, for love covers a multitude of sins [forgives and disregards the offenses of others]" 1 Peter 4:8

He cannot disregard sin, but He loves His creation too much for it to get in the way of Him loving them.

Its been a while...

So it really has been a long time since I have updated this. In fact the novelty of a blog wore off pretty quickly. The novelty has come upon me again though...

I'm not long back from Budapest. We spent our evenings on our way home giving bread to the homeless. I was overwhelmed by how many people where on the streets and the indifference everyday people had to them. It was the first thing I commented on when we stepped out of the train station. However, it was superb to see that in a city that had huge social problems, one man in his wee white van feeding hundreds of homeless. One man can change things.

While away my wee travelling companion and I were learning about Grace. Two different books, one beautiful revelation. It's an actual thing of beauty to know that grace has been extended to us, but it is stunning to be able to hand that to others. As children of God we should know what grace feels like, we should be empowered by it and know its lovely to receive and walk in. As children of God however we should know what grace feels like when it comes from each other. Our family, our Godly family, we should experience that always. Recently I have experienced that so much in my life. Living in community, in unity, is never easy. We think it should be butterflies and cupcakes all the time. The reality of it is, our character is displayed openly, we see faults in others while remembering that we are exactly like them. We become amazingly aware of who we are. The opportunity has been afforded me much recently to know that Godly grace bestowed upon me by those I am in community with. And it is most endearing...

I got a job in Edinburgh working for Bethany Christian Trust. You can find out a wee bit about the project here. I will be going on the 21st October and will be there for just short of 6 months. I'm thinking it will be amazing, challenging and affirming. My heart is to love people I come into contact with and release God's Kingdom. I have dreams of speaking words and people being released from bondage. I don't think this is out there or off the wall-its who He is and who I represent. Extending the grace that has been afforded me, time and again to others. I'm also really excited about living with my sister over there. We have our wee day trips planned already and I will finally get to visit Inchcolm Abbey. Scotland is steeped in revival history! So I will be getting me some of that on my week off!

Before I head off on that adventure I will be going to Cardiff to this. I've been thinking about this and I'm going with expectations and no limitations. I'm going to have fun! It looks like it will be fun. Despite the timing ( I arrive home 3 days before I head to Edinburgh) it will be a joyful time no doubt!

This blog has been a bit staggered and not as 'flowy' as Id like. But I think I've pretty much covered the essentials at the moment.

There is no place like home...

As Dorothy said 'There is no place like home'


Whether at home in my rented house in Belfast, with my great housemate or 'down home' with my fabulous parents, home is where I feel safe, secure and most content. The home I want to visit more however this year is my spiritual home, the home where only I possess the key, where only I can gain entry, where I have special privileged access...

In 2009 when I 'visited' this home I was gently guided, gently nudged before I took up the invitation to experience the joy of 'coming' home. At 'home' I experienced love, mercy and understanding regarding EVERY aspect of who I am. I have come to treasure the times we have spent together. He truly does want to commune with us. And something beautiful happens when we are together. I am doing the very thing the Prince of Peace reconciled me for...talking to the Father, having a relationship with Father

He has never changed. He is still the same. He invites us to feast with Him. The invitation to the banquet is not just to experience blessing and abundance, it is to experience Him, we meet Him...the very reason He fashioned me, the very reason He took such effort over me, was to meet Him.


My 2010 isn't going to be filled with 'quiet time' or disciplined daily reading...it is going to filled with intimacy between me and my Creator. We will remember the times we have had, we will reminisce and talk about the desires we both had and whose came to pass. I will draw from a Man who loves to hear from me, who loves to know my desires and loves to see His will played out in them. I will experience a year of absorption-a year were I rejoice in the Presence, a year were I become obsessed with talking to Him and listening to Him. A year were my thoughts are overcome with thoughts of Him...

I can hear the deep call of Jesus calling out my name, inviting me to the banquet table. (Psalm 23:5) It is here I will find the victory over my enemies, they will be starved out as begin to meet Him and feed on the Living Bread. It is not a banquet as we know it...it is a banquet prepared for us by a friend. (John 15:15)

I hope that this year brings obsession in seeking Him and obsession to keep on seeking even when we inevitably find Him...

I hope this year sees a growth in running to that secret place, back to 'home', back to the place where only we can enter, back to that place where there is wholeness, back to that familiar place that holds good memories...in going 'back home' we will meet Him and my hope is I will be overcome by Him.

So here I am, after much waiting, and lesser understanding, Abba Father said 'Go, have your blog.'
That was over a week ago and it's harder than I thought it was going to be...it got me thinking about why He had asked me to wait and the more I try and write the more aware I am of His reasons.

So I have decided my first post is going to be about this, the journey I am on at the moment, with Papa, discovering who I am and being secure in that person I have been created to be. How is this connected to writing a blog? Well we will get there...

J. C. F. von Schiller once said that "Every man stamps his value on himself ... man is made great or small by his own will." In other words we are who we say we are. If I continually tell myself that I don't measure up to people, if I compare myself, physically, mentally, or spiritually with others I have already made a claim saying that I am not good enough as I am. The beginning of what can be a treacherous road and a difficult one that was never meant to be walked upon. Why? Because we have never been compared to others by our Creator. He has never once looked at us and wished us to be like someone else. He has never once looked at us and thought we were not good enough. Really, if we had no worth at all He never would have sent His Son. What would of been the point? He clearly seen potential in us and thought it was worthwhile legally purchasing us back.

For the last year God has worked on my life in ways that are unexplainable and incredibly personal. It began with knowing who I am in Jesus. I mess up in ways that I'm tired of messing up in, I create situations that do me no favours. I go round the same mountains time and time again. Each time all the more sorry that I chose that 'detour' to my destiny and all the more asking, 'If it grieves me so much why do I keep doing it?'

This is what Papa gave me...

I am who I say I am-if I define myself by the person I used to be rather than the person He has created me to be then I am always going to be in those personal failures. Its no longer trying to be that elite saint, the crazy spiritual people we all admire because once we are in Christ we are all that and more. Each time we chose to believe the lie and jump on the mountain merry-go-round we are not believing who He says we are. When Christ died and rose again, it was ALL paid for. When we came to know Him and love Him because of who He was and what He had done, we became a new creation, not in part but in complete and utter wholeness. We are who He says we are. We are the righteousness of God in Christ. That was part of the divine exchange when Christ died on the cross in our place. We got what He had and He got what we had. Its not that we dont require working on- cos we all know we do but its not about trying to be 'that' person, that better person, that crazy spiritual person- because we already are that, we are just not manifesting what has been placed within us by Holy Spirit.

Each time we compromise, in thought or deed, we live below the royal threshold that has been given to us. We are living in the stables in the palace grounds rather than in the palace itself. For me, it's not about trying to obtain and trying to be because I already am all of those things I long to be. Holy, pure, righteous, giving...I'm just learning to manifest Him who lives within me and Him who enables me to be like this. So in actual fact, it's not that I am struggling with these old things, its that they are struggling against who I really am in Christ.

So of recent, the best way to describe what has been happening is a bit of a crisis of confidence. I find I am second guessing myself, comparing myself to others and generally having a bit of a shaking of who I thought I was, as generally these traits are not like me at all. I'm sure of myself, of my mind and my opinion and generally it is only God who can get through to me...

Although all of this has been going on-it determines all the more who I am and who I have been called to be. The beautiful thing about the cross is, is that it has recovered who we actually are! We are not those sins, we are not defined by those sins, we are defined by Him who lives in us. The last thing the enemy wants us to do is accept all those things that God says we are through His Son-because we will start living like we actually believe it. We will start living a life that has been assigned value.

We so often hear the line, 'Jesus loves you' it has become this cliche, this phrase that is bounded about. We need to get back to the raw truth of this. Are we living like someone who is loved and accepted? Every now and again I may tell those in the world 'Jesus loves You' He does...nothing will ever change that. He has no shadow of turning, His Word is eternally true! But just because He says that, If we dont believe that ourselves then there is no power in that statement. It becomes a living word by us exercising faith and believing it...


The point is- we need to believe who He says we are. We ARE a new creation, the old has passed, the old has been crucified and now ONLY the new lives. We are already all those things we long to be and we start to manifest them when we spend time with Him and in His Presence. The acceptance we have is in Him and through being with Him we learn to accept what He says about us and who He says we are.

So why not the blog 2-3 months ago? Well He knows what is best for me...2-3 months ago I would of been crazily insecure about revealing who I am in this and He wants me to give a true representation of who He has made me to be...Thankfully He is taking me there! And I'm finding freedom in accepting His overwhelming acceptance!